Three sides of a coin

 Why are we creatures of habit? Why do people always sit in the same general location for meals, chapel in Belcher, prayer/praise, church, class?

An interesting question was brought up to me a couple of weeks ago. The question went something along the lines of "Do you feel that as a PK (pastor's kid) you are held to a different standard?"  My answer was yes. The general consensus was that PKs are either rebellious, or the good kid. For example, I act much differently around people at my church back home then I do here. Non of it is an act, but I carry myself differently and am nice to all my parent's friends; it would just be plain rude not to be. Yes in general, thats how everyone treats people, but for PKs its harder because you feel like everyone is watching and you need to be "perfect". 

I got to thinking that with any leadership position, you start putting on different faces/ways you carry yourself. I act a lot different just with my roommate then I do in class and around my peers. I act different at church, I act different leading people in a meeting. In a way, it feels like your personality is split up into many different segments and not one discourse community sees the whole picture of who you are. There are expectations that come from being a PK. There are expectations that come from being a chaplain on your floor. There are expectations of me being the president of a mission aviation organization on campus. 

We all have our own struggles and things we are dealing with. No one is perfect, but we often falsely act like this. Subconsciously I feel like I need to show my strong side to be a good example to those who are watching. And yes, there is always someone watching. As as a result of all of this, I mask my weaknesses. We feel like it is a failure to be weak, to have a problem or issue. I also don't like my peers knowing something is wrong. I guess part of it is not trusting everyone, but I think it really goes deeper then that. Fundamentally at my core there is the part of me that wants to sweep it under the rug. I mask my emotions and hold them inside. I can make it hard for people to read me. Why am I so protective of my image? Am I afraid of being hurt? Of shame due to my weakness? Isn't it through my weakness that Christ's strength is shown strong in my life?

There are more than two sides of a coin. Technically 3 if you count the side. There are also many sides to being me and what makes me unique. Few people know many of my sides. Once you start peeling back the layers of onion (like an ogre from Shrek) I am actually a completely different person then what your first glimpse or impression of me is. Just some thoughts...